(Click here to see my Star Trek box office chart)

After more than two weeks in wide theatrical release, Paramount Picture’s Star Trek (2009) has shattered both internal and external records and accumulated over $152 million at the box office. It boasts the highest grossing opening weekend in franchise history at $79.2 million, easily breaking the former record established by First Contact (1996) of $49.9 million (when adjusted for inflation).

The digitally remastered version for IMAX screens also broke a formidable record, raking in a domestic total of $8.5 million during its opening weekend, surpassing the previous benchmark record of $6.3 million set by The Dark Knight (2008) last summer, and continuing its record-breaking pace through its second weekend.

To call this franchise reboot by J.J. Abrams, Damon Lindelof, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman a "success" is to understate their remarkable achievement, especially when you consider the pressures they were under not only by studio executives but also the worldwide fan base who feel intimately connected to the original cast members of Kirk, Spock, and McKoy. I think the box office results and overwhelming positive reviews widely attest to the fact that they have positively answered their critics and satisfied (most of) the fan base.

I am going to discuss my thoughts on this movie in further detail, including what I think is its greatest merit, but be advised that it will contain spoiler information. Keep that in mind before reading on.

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Professor Myers,

I was forwarded your satirical diatribe on the history of the discovery of elephant wings by an opponent of the Eagletosh University of Proboscidoptera (at which I am a professor myself), and I was greatly disturbed that you had not taken the time to research the subject matter at greater detail before writing your screed. While the historicity of your account is accurate enough, one cannot help but feel there’s a disrespecting tone underlying it. You would be wise to familiarize yourself with the subject, preferably by reading the great tomes of roboscidopterology by the maestro himself, such as The Voyage in the Jungle, On the Origin of Wings, and The Descent of Elephants. (If they did not have wings, how would they avoid crashing into the Earth when they descended from Heaven? Elephants are heavy.)

That first seminal work of his, The Voyage in the Jungle, lays out in great detail what happened in those pivotal years. What your own account of it conveniently fails to mention (and which you would have known had you read Eagletosh’s first great work) is that while Eagletosh admittedly did little field work, what he lacked in physical examination he made up for a thousand-fold in spiritual understanding. He had a deep inner connection with elephantkind, something his three colleagues — those crass materialists Moe, Larry, and Curly — utterly lacked. Reading Eagletosh, you immediately get the warm, cozy feeling of being in the presence of a poetic, romantic, loving mind. His books are filled with siren poems and colorful illustrations. Open any of Moe, Larry, or Curly’s books, and you will find graphs, equations, and other debasements of the loftiness of the great and noble elephant. Does the elephant know what axes and functions are? No. Does it need to? No. Why do we?

I implore you, please focus your attention away from Moe et. al. and instead muse on the luminescence of the elephants’ feathered wings.

Attached to this E-mail is a wonderful illustration from The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Elephants, drawn by Miriam Grinspoon, on request from Eagletosh, who described the scene he had seen in one of his dreams (which were sent from the Great Elephant in the Sky). If that is not photographic evidence enough, nothing will convince the skeptics.

Best regards and with prayers for your conversion,
Prof. Håvard Skjæveland
Eagletosh University of Proboscidoptera, Historical Faculty

Elephant wings.